modestmgmtofficial:

everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:

  • 5 gallons of homework
  • mouthful of lint
  • 20 degrees of facial oil
  • 7 pints of china
  • handful of fergi
  • 60 mph of dad

(via ughjackmans)

dlubes:

does it ever kill you when you make conversation with the person youve been looking forward to talking to the entire day and they just kinda brush you off

(via mcporno)

me: i am actually so happy with my life right now for once

next day: *everything fucks up*

anfonymackie:

do vampires just use their teeth to make a puncture wound and then suck, or are their fangs like a straw

i havent slept in three days

(via tardis221b)